Never Make Your Child Choose Which Parent He Likes Best

Your decision to divorce brought some things along with it that don’t digest too easily in your child’s realm. The issues are ugly and your children ought to be kept from having to handle too much too soon. They’ll learn their lessons soon enough, and the emotion behind divorce is overwhelming for a child. From the perspective of a child, let’s walk a while in his moccasins. He was born into a two-parent home and he sees that as “the norm.” In his early childhood development years, change is very challenging for him. He’s trying to stabilize himself into this new life experience and there is a lot to handle. He needs to find out who he is; how to function here; who each of his parent’s is; how to get along with them; who members of the family are and how to be with them; where his toys belong; what time naps have to happen; what food he likes and doesn’t like; which friends won’t stomp on his foot. It’s just a whole lot for an immature mentality to embrace in a few short years. And now, he’s being told that mommy or daddy won’t be there any more, or will be there less often. This is horribly disturbing for a young mentality. If mommy and daddy have been fighting, his nerves are like exposed electrical wires, and this is just a very tough burden for one so small. I’m not ignoring older children by any means; I’m just focusing on younger ones. They’re all affected. So, he may have had to get used to a different school schedule if custody is being shared. He has to learn how things work in his daddy’s new apartment. He’s got a new home schedule to juggle. In the back of his mind lives this thought “Daddy/Mommy isn’t here anymore. No more hugs when he/she comes home from work. No kisses good night. What did I do wrong?” You can talk until your own face turns blue, but that “What did I do wrong?” thought does niggle your child to one degree or another. Are we firmly in his moccasins by now? Okay, let’s add to that one more ugly gift. You might not recognize your own immaturity, but it’s possible you might be encouraging him to love you more than his other parent through the use of subtlety. You bug him with the kinds of questions that make him say his other parent falls short in one way or another; has chosen a horrible new girlfriend; doesn’t have the same cleanliness standards you do; loses the child/s clothes; doesn’t show up on time. You are orchestrating his life and you know how these scenarios will play out. I’m going to ask you NOT to make your child choose between you and his other parent. Please step up to the maturity plate here and allow that other parent to be whoever they are, do whatever they do, and say whatever they say without your child being shown how less-than they are so that your child will love you more. Please consider learning how to love yourself without this input from your child. It’s an adult behavior and your child deserves this behavior from you. This small, subtle consideration will be viewed as love when your child matures, but you will know what you did and what reasons you had for doing it, and that should be enough. Children want to be able to love both of their parents. Please create a harmonious, non-manipulative environment to help them do that. They were innocent going into your divorce and should remain innocent learning to live with it.

In his book “Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents,” Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len’s book and it’s accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

Parents Should Never Punish a Child for Bedwetting

Children’s urological disorders are ten times more common than cleft lip and pallet disorders. Pediatric urological disorders are very different from adult urological disorders as most of these problems are congenital in nature. The common signs of urological disorders are: urination problems (need to urinate frequently or suddenly, weak urine flow, difficulty starting or stopping, associated burning, pain or blood), pelvic or lower back pain, and/or sexual problems (reduced sexual ability, discomfort during intercourse or painful orgasm, impotence).

Overactive bladder is a common problem that can affect men, women and children of any age or race, although sufferers are predominately women and incidents of overactive bladder increase with age. Some children may have nervous systems that are not sufficiently developed to get the right signal between the bladder and the brain.

However, it appears that some children who wet the bed have relatively small bladders that cannot hold much urine. If this is the reason for a child’s bed wetting, the bed wetting should reduce or go away as the bladder increases in size. Approximately 75 percent of children who have a

wetting problem have a parent and/or sibling who have or have had a similar problem. In addition, the approach parents take toward toilet training their children can cause bed wetting. For example, some parents may adopt an overly punitive strategy for toilet training children.

Bed wetting, referred to as enuresis by the medical community, is a common problem in children ages 5-12. Parents often become concerned around this age, especially if they begin to notice other same-aged children or siblings who stopped wetting by age three. Parents and siblings often feel frustration, anger, and embarrassment over their attempts to help stop the child’s bed wetting. Most physicians and psychologists agree that bed wetting can be classified as a “clinical problem” if the child is unable to keep the bed dry by age seven.

Even children with no history of bed wetting may lose bladder control from time to time. Bed wetting by itself does not mean that a child has diabetes. Children with diabetes commonly wet the bed when their blood sugar (glucose) levels become erratic. Fortunately, most children grow out of this problem. However, some children develop psychological and behavioral problems related to embarrassment, low self-esteem, and anger stemming from this condition.

In the past it was thought that some children may be such deep sleepers that they do not wake up when they have the urge to urinate. Recent research does not seem to support this idea, because children who wet the bed seem to have similar sleep cycles to those who do not wet the bed. Sometimes bed wetting can be a response to stress, such as an emotional conflict or anxiety that a child is experiencing. Psychologists and other mental health professionals regularly report that children begin wetting the bed during times of conflict at home or school. Dramatic changes in home and family life also appear to lead some children to wet the bed.

Punishment almost never works and may actually increase bed wetting as the child becomes more upset, nervous, ashamed, and/or resentful toward parents. Your child’s pediatrician should be able to refer you to someone to treat your child’s bed wetting. Once you have consulted with a physician who can screen for physical problems that may be contributing to your child’s bed wetting, a treatment choice can be made. Also, some experts

fear that limiting fluids too much can be harmful to children’s health, so it is important to talk to your doctor if you are considering this method.

Let’s try not to propagate that urological disorders are “dirtier”, “more embarassing”, or “different” from any other medical disorder.

Paul Rodgers specializes in marketing fitness, diets, health and beauty products and services. You are invited to visit
OverActiveBladder

Parental rights for a father who has never been present?

If a father has signed a birth register around the time of birth, but since, has not:
shown any interest in seeing his child
paid money towards his child
made contact with the mother to check on the child’s well being.
no contact at all, no birthday cards, nothing.

what would his rights be after a few years?
i know that with divorce after 2 years of no contact you can legally file a divorce without the others’ consent. if a father comes back in years to come, and takes the case to court, what will his chances be?

terminate parental rights and never have to pay child suport?

Out of 100 children born outside the marriage how many American man will terminate parental rights if they never have to pay child support, if that is what the mother offers at time of birth.

How many of 100 children born outside the marriage will a father never exercise his parental rights if he does not have to pay child support and mother is free to move out of state/country?